This was on 6-14-08 I just didn't get around to actually posting anything as I was keeping it private. But I decided to share some information on how D2 went before I could post how D3 went.
Ok so I finally went out with E... The date itself went pretty fine and fun. We started off having her come to my place to get familiar with it, so it's not some crazy unknown place when I bring her back later. All went well there, she came in I went to the bathroom and put on some cologne and then we left. I kinoed on the leg several times during all the car trips we took, I decided to take us to the pool hall and we played for a couple of hours, lots of talking and kino went on.
Moving on... from the pool hall I suggested we get something to eat cause I was hungry so we stopped at a diner on the way back to my place. We talked a lot about food, mostly that I don't even remember. No kino happened cause we were sitting across from one another. Took her picture after I showed her a pic of my cat, and she then took a pic of me on her phone. From there we finally came back to my place where I had mentioned I would show her my tropical fish. I have a screen saver that is of tropical fish and looks real too, she liked it when she came in :P
This is where things started to get weird, I knew that I was supposed to kiss her at the pool hall and just couldn't fit it in naturally. So when I was playing the question game I was going to ask her if she wanted to kiss me, but we got off topic and it ended pre-maturely. So I pointed over to my fish while I got a bit settled then came up to her. I told her to come here, and pulled her close while putting my hands on her hip and kissed her. I got no response... NONE what so ever, not even a kiss back or any pushing forward on her part when I moved in for the kiss. I don't remember what happened into between that 1st kiss and the 2nd kiss but I then showed her my Bean bag.
I told her that you have to sit on it, it's really comfy and as she was trying to say "I don't know" or something I said your light right? and semi picked her up and threw her on it. I laid down next to her at first not right up on her. I think We talked about something for a second then I kissed her again. Now every time I kiss her I get nothing but the same smile she was given me all night long, no resistance, or any indication that she is enjoying it, or to press forward. I finally said, let me put on some music, and I get up and ask if she likes classical music. I pull out a CD and let it start playing, then lay right next to her this time on the bean bag with my arm kinda under her head. She asked for the CD case before I came back and wanted to see if she recognized any of the songs, and I asked her if she knew how to play
any instruments and we talked lightly on that for a bit. I lean in and kiss her again, I then say to tilt her head and I proceed to kiss her neck once. I was really starting to feel awkward at this point in time, and think is when I finally mentioned something like you give no resistance, I might have even said at this time "This feels awkward, I don't know why?". I think then I kissed her neck a few times and her
again. I remember at some point that I realized she was holding my hand as I was holding hers, and I was rubbing it and moved my other hand to rub her other hand. I mentioned what happened her hand at some point as it was ruff, she said it was dry or something, and i think I kissed her again.
Also I remember at some point I also mentioned some of these things:
Me: "what are you thinking about" Her: "Nothing"
Me: "You look like you have something on your mind" Her: "No"
Me: "are you sure your not having naughty thoughts?" Her: I don't even remember getting ANY response, just that same smile I was getting throughout.
Me: "Why don't you take off your shoes and relax a bit" Her: "I am relaxed" as she moved her arms above her head in a stretching position.
Finally I couldn't take being uncomfortable and didn't know where to take this. But little did I know it was the single most stupidest thing I could have done. I got up and said I want to show you something, I pulled out a Magic the Gathering Deck and laid out a few cards on the table for her to see. I mentioned that this was the game, and I briefly mentioned what you need to do to win. I think after that she moved to topic to something like "You have to get up early don't you?" or "I'm getting tired and have to get going" something like that shit. I tried to keep her as long as I could as I didn't want her to leave yet, but at the same time I was relieved and needed to get sleep anyway. She did mention a few times and again before she left that she had fun, and we should do it again sometime.
From what I gathered at the time she really wasn't enjoying any of the sexual stuff as I got ZERO response back, but Yummy just said that I should have just pushed it as far she would have let me. That her giving me zero resistance was her way of saying to just take her. I felt very awkward and weird, it didn't feel mutual or fun for me. I needed a verbal or physical or ANY IOI to press forward. I'm sure Yummy is right in his advice but even as I think about it, I feel awkward and not even sure what exactly I would have done to press forward. Would I have rubbed her stomach, her breasts? I could have said something like "take off your shirt it's wet" (It was raining). But nooo none of this shit ever comes to me at the time when I need it. I was and the truth is I guess I felt at the time that I was just another AFC, but I shouldn't have, but I realize this all too late. We'll see how big I messed up when I try contacting her for a follow up date on Monday for a Friday "date". Not sure what I can do with her, and if we do get back to my place will she expect a repeat? Will I unintentionally repeat myself?
I realize now that I felt nothing for her, I'm still feeling things for Alania, and still miss her. Perhaps I received no emotion back when I kissed her is because she felt none for me as well. How can I move onto another girl if I truly haven't moved on?
I figured out why I felt nothing when I kissed her, I know I should stop comparing her to Alania, and didn't think I would ever compare anything but hear me out on this. When I kissed Alania for the first time there was that stereotypical "magic" and "sparks" that whole deal, it was special and we both felt a click. When I kissed E, there was nothing, I felt nothing. I felt this before when I kissed Alania for
the last time, because there was no love in it, there was nothing, I remember even crying afterwards and during the kiss :(
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